What kind of person...

What kind of person has a conversation about options to better their life, only to be cursing themselves up and down for making friends where escape is not an option.

Is that a depressed man?

A coward?

Pessimist? 

There are many words you could come up with, surely.

I don't have a quote or anything, and if I wasn't so down I could go on forever, but this is most assuredly 

Frustration # 5

Oh the woes of of a man early woken.

Frustration #4

"Hey, lets pull the fire alarm three times this morning." - The people who will be assaulted by a fat guy.

Okay, I am not the heaviest sleeper, quite the opposite in fact, I once woke up twelve minutes after falling asleep because of a thunder crackle that was aired on TV at 41% volume.  When I am sick and decide to get some rest, I expect it to be relaxing, alas, this didn't happen today.  THREE False cases of the fire alarm pulled this morning.  The fire department is pissed off, my Dog is scared stiff and I am on an entirely new level of blood rage.

Oh the woes of autopilot, ignorance and technology.

I am not going to mix any words here, I am a very sick person when it comes to emotional stability. Not even two years ago while playing a fighting game with friends over x-box live I was in a funk...I was borderline useless and it got to me. Never being a person able to vent my anger in a productive or honestly safe way, I flipped out and took my frustrations out on myself and wound up giving myself a concussion, it was very stupid, and sadly it wasn't even the last case of my self abuse due to rage.

I have been better over the last six months on not abusing myself while angry and...it sucks. It hurts more emotionally than the injuries did physically, but I know it is the better way of things.

On to the current vent however.